I sat at the end of my rope silently screaming with my head in my hands.
“Body, we have an agreement,” I kept thinking. “I give you 3 months off from climbing each winter and then you pick back up like we haven’t missed a beat in the spring.”
It was clear that this “agreement” only existed in my mind. I was flailing miserably on my project from last fall. The moves were harder than I remembered, my core tension was non-existent, and I was beyond frustrated.
I’m pretty sure this happens to me every spring. I don’t train all winter and then I’m somehow shocked when I can’t perform on the rock the same as I did in the fall. Deep down I know that taking time off from climbing is good for my body and my mind, but my ego always pays the price when the weather gets nice again.
This weekend was the 5Points Film Festival in Carbondale, CO. I always enjoy seeing adventure films and hanging out with long lost friends (both in person and on the screen). Friday night I viewed the world premier of a film called The Old Breed, by Rufus Lusk and Freddie Wilkinson. It’s about three guys who climbed the second highest unclimbed peak in the world. I don’t know much about alpinism. Quite frankly I find it both terrifying and confusing. I just can’t figure out why anyone would want to be cold and suffer.
However a quote from that movie stuck with me has been rolling around in my head ever since. Steve Swenson, I believe, says that in his life he has his profession, his family, and climbing. At any given time he feels he can only perform well at two or those three things.
I feel like that so often. Especially this past weekend as I hung on my project belittling myself. I struggle everyday to find the balance between being a good Kindergarten teacher, being fully present in my relationships with others, raising a new puppy, tending to a new house, keeping my mind and body healthy, and performing at the top of my game in climbing.
I often feel like I have too many balls in the air and that something has to give. But what do I let drop? All of those things are important to me. All of those things are integral in my life and my happiness.
Each season has it’s own balance for me. The slices of my life shift and morph to make room for each other as need be. This winter so much of my energy was given to work and “life stuff” and that was ok. But, with spring will come the rebirth of climbing. The canyon is dry and calling my name. My climbing strength will return in time, but like all things that matter most, it won’t come easy.
I know that I can’t possible do everything well all of the time. But I’m slowly learning that there is a time for all things and I just need to have a little bit of patience with myself.
For me, balance doesn’t look the same from season to season. It’s constantly shifting and changing to accommodate all of the pieces of who I am.
~Jen Vennon, prAna Ambassador
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